Yes With Joy

“Success is in the offering” sounds like a biblical term, possibly one dealing with money. But for me, it is more than just a phrase.  It is a feeling.

A while ago, a teacher explained to me that it is enough to offer words of wisdom and encouragement in my coaching.  That is success.  If the client takes and uses the information, that is up to them.

Underneath it, I understood her, and even agreed.  However, it wasn’t until an event occurred in my own life that I really got how powerful it is to give without worrying about if the person accepts it.

You see, my son (who was 12 at the time) broke two fingers during wrestling practice.  Being in a lot of pain, he didn’t sleep well for the first two nights.  This meant that I didn’t either.  We would sleep and then wake up as the pain increased.  To get him to return to dreamland, I would “run energy” into his hand.  He would relax and fall back to sleep.  “Running the energy” continued throughout the days and nights.

Eventually, he would just take my hands and place them around his broken fingers.  It was a silent connection, but still very powerful.  But I was growing weary – or at least I thought I should be.  However, in reality I was calm and peaceful.  I’d even noticed that a minor headache that had started during the night was gone by the morning.  I was feeling great. (True confession: I was tired and foggy, but I was also energized because I could feel the peace and calm…and I didn’t have a headache, not even the monthly hormonal one.)

This made sense once I realized that running energy is the same as sending love.  The more love I was giving out, the better I felt.  I was offering of myself and not worrying about if it was doing what it was supposed to do.  I was offering my son’s hand love.  He chose to accept it.  But the part that is amazing is how good it made me feel.  Yes, success is in the offering.

I just got off the phone with my 24 year old son, who is finishing college.  And I have to say, I’m very proud of the young man he is turning out to be.  Somewhere along the way, things switched for him and he became a hard working young man with really solid morals and beliefs. I could have told him how to be, work and believe (and I tried until I was blue in the face), but something clicked in his head about two years ago and he discovered the man he wants to be.

Tonight, he called for help with some homework.  He wanted me to look over his Coaching Philosophy statement and help him tweak it.  I was impressed with the draft that he presented me.  But I was more impressed with how we worked together through numerous drafts, something we hadn’t been able to do in the past.  He said things such as, “I was thinking that that word was wrong” when I tweaked a specific word.  Or  “I agree with how that sentence is now.”  Or “The reason I want it this way is….”

He was respectful while working with me.  He took responsibility for his work.  He was willing to work hard at this assignment even though it was 11 at night, and he still has to study for an exam.  And he showed the discipline to stay with the assignment until it was done correctly.  He’s really living his own coaching philosophy.  Way to go JT!!!

I’ve included his assignment if you are interested:

JT’s Coaching Philosophy

            One never truly fails until they stop trying.  My coaching philosophy is to teach my athletes what it takes to be a success in and out of sports. They will learn the values of hard work, discipline, respect, and responsibility. With these values, the boys will grow into men. My athletes will work harder and do more than the next team through structured discipline. Every day in or out of practice, we will improve at least one thing. Every athlete on the team is important to the team’s success. I will encourage all my athletes to do more than their perceived best. It is important to respect themselves and enjoy the spirit of the sport. Respect does not stop in the gym, but it is used out in the community, at home, with our fans, and especially with our opponents. This philosophy will carry these athletes through life long after the win is forgotten. I will give my athletes the tools to be successful. It is their responsibility to use them.

Being in love and being neutral at the same time is a really strange feeling.  With one, it’s all consuming. With the other, it’s almost no feeling…or so it seems.

Let me explain.  I fell in love recently, and he’s a great guy, but unfortunately he lives 1,200 miles away.  We talk every day, multiple times a day, and recently he came to visit for two weeks.  The light-hearted, fluttery feeling of love was there.  But when he left, I realized that I was neutral…really neutral.  If we continued to date, it would be great.  If not, then he raised my expectations for what to hope for from a man.  (He’s that good.)

At first this threw me for a loop.  What if I didn’t really love him?  So, I focused on what I wanted…the feelings I have with him and all his good points.  Not only this, but my friends say they can see it on my face, and I have a new softness about me. And besides, I think of multiple things during the day that I’d like to share with him.

But wait, all my spiritual teachings have been guiding me toward neutrality – I’m okay if I do, and I’m okay if I don’t.  Wasn’t this a perfect example?  It’s just strange being so neutral and not feeling the society-accepted definition of love…the pining away, the longing, the other yearnings.  I can find the feelings, but they aren’t overwhelming me as they would have in the past.

With this wonderful man, I can speak my mind (mindful of how I communicate) without worrying about pleasing him.  I can be me.  What a concept…being me while in a relationship!  In fact, I feel like I’m a better me when I’m with him.

And one of the best things about neutrality is that if things between us dissolve, all I have to do is say, “Next.”  And I’m ready to move on.   It’s all about taking the energy out of things.  They are neither right nor wrong.  They just are.  I guess I have learned something with all this studying.

But for now, I’m going to smell the 18 roses he sent me yesterday.  Love sure can be sweet.