Yes With Joy

Being in love and being neutral at the same time is a really strange feeling.  With one, it’s all consuming. With the other, it’s almost no feeling…or so it seems.

Let me explain.  I fell in love recently, and he’s a great guy, but unfortunately he lives 1,200 miles away.  We talk every day, multiple times a day, and recently he came to visit for two weeks.  The light-hearted, fluttery feeling of love was there.  But when he left, I realized that I was neutral…really neutral.  If we continued to date, it would be great.  If not, then he raised my expectations for what to hope for from a man.  (He’s that good.)

At first this threw me for a loop.  What if I didn’t really love him?  So, I focused on what I wanted…the feelings I have with him and all his good points.  Not only this, but my friends say they can see it on my face, and I have a new softness about me. And besides, I think of multiple things during the day that I’d like to share with him.

But wait, all my spiritual teachings have been guiding me toward neutrality – I’m okay if I do, and I’m okay if I don’t.  Wasn’t this a perfect example?  It’s just strange being so neutral and not feeling the society-accepted definition of love…the pining away, the longing, the other yearnings.  I can find the feelings, but they aren’t overwhelming me as they would have in the past.

With this wonderful man, I can speak my mind (mindful of how I communicate) without worrying about pleasing him.  I can be me.  What a concept…being me while in a relationship!  In fact, I feel like I’m a better me when I’m with him.

And one of the best things about neutrality is that if things between us dissolve, all I have to do is say, “Next.”  And I’m ready to move on.   It’s all about taking the energy out of things.  They are neither right nor wrong.  They just are.  I guess I have learned something with all this studying.

But for now, I’m going to smell the 18 roses he sent me yesterday.  Love sure can be sweet.

Travel days can be challenging if you choose them to be. Or things can work out. One day last spring, I could have moaned and groaned about everything, but I just kept silently repeating, “It always works out for me. I don’t have to know how. It just does.” And it did. Here is how the travel experience went:

When I got to the airport, the computer said that I’d already checked in. “It always works out for me. I don’t have to know how. It just does.” It took the lady at the counter 30 plus minutes to straighten it out. I just stood there and radiated love. (Ok. I did a little bit of Matrix too.) Read the rest of this entry »

It was football Sunday and the Bears were playing. Now, I’m not a huge fan, but I will sit with the boys and watch so that at least we are together. (And it’s a whole lot better than a lot of the other stuff on TV.)

Well, today JT and I were watching the game while Adam was studying in another room for high school finals. As we were watching, I started thinking about an upcoming meeting and decided to Matrix the meeting. Topics like clarity and Read the rest of this entry »